We all know that dating is a scary game. It becomes even scarier when we get serious and start to imagine our lives involving that one special person forever. Once we entangle our finances, future goals, and children (existing or future hypothetical ones) into a relationship, stuff gets real and the feeling can be unsettling. Sometimes we’re just being paranoid, but sometimes we’re being exactly as smart as we ought to be. Here are a few of the red flags that you should recognize in a long term relationship, and ones that should definitely make you run far away.
1. HE TRIES TO CONTROL YOU.
This is more than a red flag; it’s a huge red blinking “DANGER” sign. If he attempts to control who you hang out with, who you call/text, what you wear, and your career decisions, this guy is bad news. Being controlling is usually the first visible sign that someone is likely to become physically, verbally or emotionally abusive. You’re a strong, intelligent woman and you deserve a partner who respects you, not an overbearing parent figure who wants to own you like a possession.
2. HE PUTS YOU DOWN AND MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE CRAP.
It’s a sign of insecurity when a guy has to put you down to ensure (in his mind) that he can keep you. Take notice if he insults your appearance, intelligence, or career on a regular basis, because his true motive is to lower your self-esteem so that you think you can’t do better than him. You deserve better than that, and you can find it. Ditch that zero and be your own hero.
3. HE TRIES TO MAKE YOU DEPENDENT ON HIM.
If he suggests that you quit your job and let him “take care of you,” it’s usually not a gesture out of the goodness of his heart. Once upon a time, that was the norm but not anymore. In many cases, this is the ultimate Trojan horse because it sounds like you’ll have an awesome life free of work, but the reality is that you’ll also have no income to your name and will have to ask for an “allowance” every time you want to go get brunch with the girls or get a manicure. It’s every controlling insecure man’s dream and every independent woman’s nightmare, so keep your own money train chugging and maintain your financial independence.